In this ephemeral moment, I can see a quarter of my life drift apart at indefinite speeds seamlessly towards uncharted realities.
I always played tetris as a child until the falling pieces would crescendo and hit the impenetrable apex. It teaches you a lesson, of how fitting in makes you disappear into oblivion. As an adult who contemplates around the erratic life choices one makes, sometimes I feel there's nothing wrong in fitting in. It's safer. Away from the hood, I occasionally wrap myself around churning guilt and irreducible regrets, I have had as an individual. I see myself and my ubiquitous presence at so many historical intersections. I wish, I whisper to myself. I should have, I sigh.
I am not a melancholic person, as I might have sounded. Infact, ever since I have read Van Gogh's 'Lust for life' I have pushed myself to see an oasis every ten miles down the dirt road. There's beauty in life that we fail to acknowledge. But I am also the only guilty man in this little Shawshank of mine. I have regrets and fallacies that are irrevocable. I tried shoving them through the corridors of the past but how do I detach myself from what's truly mine. Henceforth, I tried understanding the genesis of these fundamental emotions - regret and guilt.
I am sure whoever is reading isn't sacrosanct. You are gullible too. You are fallible too. You just need to talk to the one who hides beneath a gazillion facades. We were taught the fundamentals of a language, consonants, vowels, subjects and predicates. I wish they taught us how to process and channelize primitive emotions as well like - love, loss, euphoria, guilt and perhaps, regret. I saw a couple tearing each other apart out in the open, regretting the very existence of their marriage. I saw a man guilty of a crime he never committed. I saw a woman weeping like an infant over a heartbreak. I saw people. I saw toddlers, trying to learn a language they never spoke.
I don't regret regretting. I don't feel guilty of burying myself amidst guilt. I see myself in a character everyday. I hid but I am not hiding anymore. Guess what, I think it makes me more of an honest human. Guess what, that's what counts.